All posts by Binil Varghese

east indian mallu, tech-fanatic, motorcycle wanderer, adventure junkie, music ninja, solution finder, dog person, extreme foodie, responsibly reckless

" A Lonely January "

I’m sittin’ here all by myself
just tryin’ to think of something to do
Tryin’ to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it’s not working out
’cause you’re all that’s on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Well I didn’t mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn’t mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn’t mean to love me back/but I know you did

I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to convince myself
that you’re not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don’t want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
will just kill me if I’m on my own
I know it’s not the smartest thing to do
we just can’t seem to get it right
But what I wouldn’t give to have one more chance tonight

I’m sittin’ here tryin’ to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration goneit’s not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won’t you take my hand
we’ve got nothing left to prove

And I didn’t mean to meet you then
we were just kids
And I didn’t mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn’t mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn’t mean to love me back but I know you did
Don’t say you didn’t love me back ’cause you know you did
No, you didn’t mean to love me back
BUT YOU DID!!!

The Fundamentals of Love – How to save a relation?

Think back to the day when you first laid eyes on her. You found yourself charmed by the way she talks, the way she dresses herself to show off her best features and the way she embraces life with her laughter. It seemed as if a mysterious “chemistry effect” has suddenly developed to draw you closer to her.

You two then began to meet regularly, and you discover more things that you admire about her. Her clever ideas, her healthy values and the way she stands up for you when others doubt you.

You find yourself thinking of her not just as a normal friend, but a very good friend. It is often during this period that a boy and a gal will start thinking of bringing their friendship to another level. After all, the kind of wonderful experience you have with each other can only become even better if it develops into a romantic relationship. In other words, the feeling is really unique – no one else seems able to replace her in your heart.

So both of you agree to go steady and work even harder on the relationship. You “graduate” to become a couple, and are the envy of the sea of singles.

However, at some point in your relationship, you forgot how it all began. You start to take your partner for granted.

Why can’t she laugh in a more ladylike manner? Why doesn’t she dress herself more trendily? Why must she assert her views and point out your silly mistakes? Is she really the one for you?

To be fair to yourself and her, take some time to reflect on your “love memory”. The “love memory” contains all the reasons that you fell in love with her right from Day One. It contains rarely accessed snippets of how your life has changed since meeting and loving her.

Pre-steady days, did you heap compliments on her for the brave way she spoke her mind on bullies and snobs? You probably did. Did you like her unusual fashion sense that makes her stand out from the crowd? Right-o. So why are you criticising or finding fault with her now that she is your girlfriend?

Because you have forgotten the fundamentals of love, like so many of us. You have forgotten the reasons you admired her during the friendship phase. Instead, once you went steady, you put your “love memory” in cold storage. As her boyfriend, you take up a new set of demands and expectations about her. These new ideas are not necessarily better; they could put your relationship at risk.

A healthy relationship, like learning to walk properly, follows a step-by-step development. You can’t possibly become part of a couple if you aren’t friends in the first place. Ok, I know some of us break the rule and plunge straight into whirlwind courtship, but how many of those couples can go the distance? Couplehood works well when there is something you like about her (and vice versa), and I’m not referring to MERELY the physical aspects.

So whenever your relationship hits a rocky path, don’t give up without checking on your “love memory”. Rediscover the reasons why you fell in love with her, and watch your relationship flourish with a newfound vigour. “Follow the rule of love and enjoy it, as loving someone is a wonderful and sweet experience..”

What is true love?

True love is posted in so many ways that some people get confused about what true love is. But yet every one has their own opinion about what they feel true love is. You can sit there and say oh my god I love chocolate but does that mean you love chocolate like you would love your mother or father and does this mean that when you love your mother or father it’s the same as loving your boyfriend/girlfriend or even your husband?

Love is put out there in so many ways. You can love your favorite toy, or your favorite book, or even your favorite food but when you love a person it changes completely. Some people find true love in how the person looks, sometimes true love is found in how much money that person holds in there wallet, and sometimes true love is so blind that your heart leads you towards them and not your mind.

But what does true love mean to me? True love is a state of being it’s a feeling that you feel towards a person that has been there for you every second that you needed them. True love is how a person is towards you and how they act around you. You may say you love some one truly but would you love that person if they disrespected you? Or if they never showed care for you? I don’t think so because true love comes in how that one person is towards you. When a person respects you, when a person loves u as much as you love them or maybe even more, or when that person cares for you like a mother would care for her sick baby. That’s when believe true love comes in when a person is like this towards you I know that it would be true love right away and that person would be your soul mate. So I wanted to post this to see what other people think true love is. Because truly you cant just take one persons definition because every one has a heart and a mind that thinks differently.

What Am I? Read On!

A HUMANE CREATURE

aside from being human, I always put on efforts to be humane as well… I take a step further on being just a human being… having all the God-given senses which I use for all my humanitarian dealings

A CERTIFIED OPTIMIST
pessimism was never in my vocabulary…there will always be a good side on any situation… an optimist always sees the light & the pessimist its shadow

DRIVEN

when I say I’m going to get something, I will get it, I always had faith I could do anything I wanted to in life, I just had to be prepared to work hard & want it hard enough, my parents taught me never to settle, always give my 100% in anything I do

A SINNER
Who’s not aside from our good old Jesus Christ?

CLASS “A” DUDE
I do it in style… they say that I’m like a tempting dessert that can only be eaten by those with pure hearts, otherwise, poison is triggered

A SLAVE 4 LOVE
so long as I’m in-love with the person… I never use my head when it comes to my loved-one, I’m all heart when I love… that’s why I can easily get bruised by the one I love…

A WRITER

I love writing, I write non-stop, I toyed around with writing as early as grade school, I write to consume my idle time and to please myself as well, but the actual, serious writing started when I was going through some bad times, that was painful to my life

A SAINT

I can be soOooo good… my friends can vouch for that

A SOCIAL WORKER

I do things for people without even knowing their names… charity works is something I plan to do when the time comes that “I have arrived”

A FRIEND

A real one at that… I compromise on whatever my friend needs compromising with… I can level with my friend’s thoughts and emotions… I can let my friend use my closet for his/her skeletons… I’ll be there for you in times of your needs and let you be when you want to party alone

A GOOD SON

(I hope:)

A FREE-SPIRITED ONE
who wants to enjoy life to the fullest! breaking the rules but still ruling!

My Love

My loveIt’s been a long time since i cried
And left you out of the blue
It’s hardLeaving you the way
When i never really wanted to
Self denialIs a game so strange
I never really should’ve wanted
Till there was you
Cause I have learned that love was beyond
What human can imagine
More it clears
The more I got to let you go’cause
what I don’t understand
Is why I’m feeling so bad now
When I know it was my idea
I could’ve just denied the truth and lied
Now why am I the only one standing stranded
On the same ground
My loveIt’s been a long time since I cried
And left you out of the blue
It’s hardLeaving you the way
When I never really wanted to
Self denialIs a game so strange
I never really should’ve wanted
Till there was you
Cause i have learned that love
Is a word just thrown
A little bit too much of this
Excuse to fill this infinite of desire
And never ever have to fade
Cause what i don’t understand
Is why I’m feeling so bad now
When i know it was my idea
I could’ve just denied the truth and lie

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU. Just three words. Spoken innumerous times. Time and again people have used these three words to express the feeling inside their heart, mind & body—the feeling of love.What it is to be in love? How does it happen? When do you know that it is Love? Writers/Poets have written/rewritten to describe this feeling of LOVE. Still nothing concrete has been reached so far.What & How, I have no cue as I am naive When do you know that it is Love? Consider: I LOVE YOUI & U are 2 people in this sentence. “I” Loves “you” & it is about feeling of I. To maintain the wisdom of LOVE “you” reciprocates same feelings by repeating “I Love You” where “You” become “I” & “I” becomes “You”.When two people become mirror to each other, they are in love. What say?

Why are we So Accommodating ?

I often wonder why we Indians are so accommodating… everything is a matter of adjusting. For instance when the roads are full of potholes and you suspect that half the money meant for the repairs and maintenance have been pocketed by someone “responsible”, what do we do!! Well, just negotiate the potholes as best as we can and forget that we are after all a tax paying public. When the municipal water supply has failed for the umpteenth day we look for tankers to get hold of water. Have you been to a government hospital ever… have you inhaled the stench that emanates there from? Once I had the misfortune of visiting someone in one of the Medical College Hospitals (won’t name it). It was a shocking experience, there was blood on the steps, filth everywhere one looked and more patients were coming out as cadavers than alive(can’t vouch for that)I suspect. Ha-ha and what about newborn babies being eaten up by dogs. Are we humans or what?? Are we going to keep on accepting being treated like third class citizens, are we not going to even demand the basic amenities from our own government. Are we indeed living in an independent Democratic country? To me it seems we are still bonded, bonded to the whims and fancies of the government.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You’d better slow down
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Ever told your child,
We’ll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,”Hi”
You’d better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift….
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

Abuse Against Women … Who Is To Be Blamed?

Domestic violence, be it in the shape of physical, mental, or emotional abuse, is alive and well in India. I’m sure many of you know someone who has been a victim of violence, or know someone who knows someone who’s been a victim, or have even been a victim of abuse yourself. I for one can say I’ve known a few individuals who’ve been victims of abuse. It brings me to tears that I am powerless to do anything, lest I shame the “honor” and “pride” of a family. For most folks, ignorance is bliss. Why get tangled in the affairs of others? We’ve become too apathetic as a society–too distanced from friends and family in fear of overt involvement in their private affairs.

Often, when I voice consternation at the treatment of certain women whom I believe are victims of spousal abuse, I am reprimanded with the same ubiquitous bullshitz:

“Leave others to their personal affairs,” “people will work their problems out eventually,” “it’s not as big of a deal as it seems,” “what’s it to us,” “Binil, don’t be a snoopy bitch, let others be.”

You get the point.

Of course, I’ll agree we’ve come a long way in combating domestic abuse. After years of lobbying, women have finally obtained long overdue rights and protective measures against an abusive spouse, partner, and/or relative. This isn’t enough. Why? Because domestic abuse, as an epidemic, continues to thrive and consequently handicap the livelihood and well-being of women.
The annual statistics regarding violence against Indian women are appalling. They are as follows:

*500,000 women are stalked by an intimate partner every year
*4,500,000 women are physically assaulted every year
*More than 1,200 women are killed by an intimate partner
*Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in India
*85-95% of all domestic violence victims are female

What’s truly disturbing is how women’s abuse is treated by the Indian society. It’s often separated from Indian culture, unlike violence against women in the Middle East or Muslim countries. Often, human rights organizations explicitly connect the abuse of women in Middle Eastern societies to culture and religion via the patriarchical belief of family honor. If you’ve ever flipped through an annual report of Human Rights Watch, you’ll immediately notice that the abuse of women in intertwined with culture. Both Christians and Muslims in the Middle East are guilty of abating and abetting the abuse of women through traditional, cultural, and religious beliefs. One popular practice in the Middle East is honor killings. When family members and/or relatives have doubts regarding a woman’s sexual virtue, she is killed, often by her own father, brother, or other male relative. Women also participate in this horrendous act of cruelty. Why? In order to rid the family of shame and uphold it’s honor. Yeah, we men can have fuck fests every hour, but if a woman even glances at a man, her virginity is in question, and by extension, her life.

Though indeed an heinous crime, honor killings in the Middle East are often sensationalized in the Western world and infrequent compared to other abuses of women’s rights. Why is the West so infatuated with honor crimes in the Middle East? And why does it always connect culture with the practice, yet fails to do the same with the abuses of women within its own periphery?

Feminist and human rights organizations have branded the patriarichal culture of the Middle East, in its various forms, as the primary culprit behind the abuse of women. Yet, why is it that abuse within India is any different? Why is it that in India, the perpetrator of abuse is held accountable as an individual, but not as a party to patriarichal values? Why is Indian culture often absolved of blame when examining the causes of domestic abuse?

Popular culture reinforces domestic abuse. Along with soft drinks, popcorn, romance, and action we are also constantly served a dosage of rape. Take Delhi for example. They’ve become a staple of movies. In too many films, violence against women is glorified. Take Sin City for example. Scantily clad women who are used and abused. In Troy that nymph of Brad’s is portrayed as merely a weak sexual being. The abuse of women within films is either obvious or subtle, but often times, it’s there. The ubiquity of rape in movies is extremely irritating. We’ve been desensitized to see rape as a crime in movies. It’s just THAT common nowadays. Rape? Oh thats all! They ban smoking in movies. why not ban violence, rape and the likes.

Where do abusers learn their behavior? From what they see indirectly sanctioned on television and/or the silver screen. With violence against women portrayed as a normal occurence within everyday life, we have become emotionally numb. This desensitization has led our society to pursue an extremely passive stance towards the burgeoning institution of violence.

What’s more disturbing is we have not fully acknowledged the intricate link between Indian culture and violecne against women, which is upheld in India by patriarichal values that may be different from those of other cultures, but are equally devastating to a woman, a family, and society as a whole. I can list a gazillion paradigms to illustrate the various means through which women are repeatedly dehumanized in our patriarichal society Granting women the right to vote, education, have all the sex they want, wear bikinis, etc. does not make Indian culture any less patriarichal than a Middle Eastern society.

I guess, it’s high-time women in India begin to question the patriarichal values of our society that maintain and/or reinforce a system of violence and abuse against women.

In Peace I Write The Above.